Think Mr Magoo!

Hi lovely people,
Because a few of you are wondering where I am and if I'm ok, I thought it would be best if I just put out a quick note to let you know what's happening.
I'm having a bit of trouble with my eyes at the momenrt, nothing too serious, just an inability to focus my eyes after using my computer for more than five minutes. This has meant that I've not been using it all...no blog reading (went through a bit of withdrawal with that, I can tell you,) no browsing, not even reading emails, I feel like I've entered the dark ages here. In fact I'm having to have a little help writing this but dictation is a wonderful thing and I'm sure I could get used to having a computer slave!
So, after Christmas I have an appointment with a specialist and I'm sure that with the help of a couple of thick bottle bottom glasses (think Mr Magoo) and a tweek here and there I'll be back radishing as usual.
"Grrr.... I said ravishing"!
You just can't get good help these days!
But as I'm not looking for your pity I thought I'd leave you with a few pics of fabric I've bought from work, at Patchwork at Gail B's. Now you're jealous, aren't you! HoHoHo.

Very rude noises!

I'm a mum, and as such I'm really proud of my children. So when my eight year old daughter tapped me on the arm to get my attention and announced that...... she could make a farting sound with her hand, I of course..... blamed it on her fathers genes! I have never, ever made a rude noise with my hands and if I inadvertantly make one from any other part of my body, well, I wouldn't be boasting about it.
But it got me thinking........I am anal about some things, these wagon wheel blocks for instance. I just feel like I've won something every time that I piece one, turn it over and this little star in the centre appears!

May all your piecing be perfect!

Infatuations

I'm overwhelmed by the infatuation I'm having! I just can't stop making these things......

A little voice at the back of my head keeps nagging me with the thought that joining them all together is going to be ....... hellish.
But right now I'm dancing with delight. I love this one best....no, this one....oh, and this one.......
Any volunteers to help me pull all the papers off the back when I'm finished?


And I really should say a big "Thank You" to Alex from insane-about-jane for nominating me for the Sunshine award. To say I'm surprised is an understatement, the last award I got was for the egg and spoon race back in primary school, this one is much prettier!

Quilting adultery

I was thinking today, no....not that an unusual occurrence, I assure you! Anyway, there I was pondering the ways of quilting when I decided that (for me) making a new quilt is like starting a new love affair. 
I start to ignore my family, their needs seem trivial to me. I pick a new design with trepidation.......then follows the painful yet exquisite feeling of release when cutting into that long hoarded, much favoured fabric. Blood, sweat and tears often follow....but the worst part is when "doubt" sets it.
Have I chosen wisely?  Can I possibly finish it? Will it be the love of my life?


There is a little bird fluttering in my heart at the moment....this could be it! 


I think I'm falling in love.....

Trying to make a decision.

It's school holidays so that's why I haven't been here much.....nothing much to tell. Unless of course you want to hear about our outings....nah, didn't think so.
I'm trying to decide what pattern to do next, should it be this........?

It would mean paper piecing and while I can do it, it isn't really my favourite method.
Or should I try hand piecing a tea leaf pattern?
Decisions, decisions. I think tomorrow night I'll piece some tea leaves and then make up my mind.
In the mean time, have you ever seen "Posh Nosh "? My eldest son sent me the link, if you've got five minutes and want a real giggle go here.....  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzjR0yL4f0Y  

Auto Cannibalism

If you were a fly on my wall, well....firstly you'd get swatted or sprayed to death with half a can of ozone destroying agents, but if you managed to live through that you'd hear some pretty weird stuff. 
Yesterday, for instance, you might have heard a disgusted scream followed by "EUGH.... Tell your father I hate him!"
Now hold on, just let me stop you there....I can see you reaching for the phone to call social services...... both my daughter and her father were killing themselves laughing. 
You see I have a bad habit, I chew my fingers, (auto cannibalism my hubby calls it) and every evening you can hear him moan "Stop chewing!" about a million times. I'll even hide under the cushions to nibble at that loose bit of flesh hanging by my nail....disgusting, isn't it!
Well the other evening he'd been threatening me with the "stop 'n grow," foul stuff that you paint on your fingers and it''ll make you sick if you get even the faintest taste of it, and I'd been my usual adult self going "Ner, ner de ner ner" back at him when....he pounced! He grabbed my hand and painted it with the vile sticky stuff!
I, of course, just muttered something about not needing such a childish disincentive and looked down my nose at him as I carried on with my crochet. 
Half an hour later, I'd forgotten (is this a sign of impending senility?) and stuck my finger in my mouth for a good chew........."EUGH.... Tell your father I hate him!"
But, to get away from my bad habits let me show you what Kelli has forced me to start....

Cutting out and sticking down all the little pieces is fun, I admit......but now she wants me to hand stitch the fabric edges in blanket stitch. I tell you, I'm surrounded by bullies!

Kamikaze possums and crochet!

OK, I'm sorry, I just haven't been around much lately....not my fault....I just happen to live in an area with a high concentration of kamikaze possums.

You don't get the connection?

Well, there's some pretty appealing (to possums) power lines out the front of our place, and they will play their little games of chasey and dare, running along them. Get the picture? The first time I heard a BANG and the lights went out I was horrified to see a fried possum hanging from the power lines, but let's be honest, when your power has shorted out three times in one evening because of the daft buggers not letting go of one line before they leap to another....then....my pity becomes a little thin.

In short, my computer (and everything else powered by electricity) has been on and off more times than my knickers on my honeymoon!

Anyway....what would you want me to tell you about! Should I tell you about the incident where I very nearly set fire to my tennis team-mates hair? I wonder, if I actually had,(set her alight) could I be charged with some sort of assault.....I can see it now.......me in the dock....charges being read out in a deep ponderous voice ...."You stand here charged with grievous harm by birthday candle...."!

Hmmmm.......I think I'd get off....you'd be a character reference for me, wouldn't you?

But this is not what this blog is all about, let me tell you of my new passion....crochet! I know I've mentioned it before but I've now become addicted.

If you need to find me, I'm curled up on the sofa, surrounded by a rainbow of coloured balls of wool. All 100% Australian merino wool, lovely and soft, not "scratchy", it'll probably take a year to have enough of these squares to make a blanket but I don't care....I'm just having a bit of fun!

Laid back, lazy stuff.

I've been messing about with a couple of new bits and pieces today. Stuff that has no asap attached to it.
This is the first (and may be the last) hexagon flower I've ever made.

I think if I'm going to continue with this I'll need some stronger glasses (of gin or rum) because making those tiny stitches is.....not easy!


Then there's the beginners crochet, or as I like to call it.......
Crochet's Really About Perseverance. It does has an acronym but we're in polite company so I wont mention it.

Yes I know, you don't have to point out the wonkyness and mismatched sizes, I can see it too! Maybe I'll just do just one more (a cushion cover, perhaps!) then go and buy some pretty colours.

Need a mug? See me.

So, today I'm going to give you a piece of advice that will save you from countless hours of swearing and sweating. You can thank me later.


How to Deal with Teachers.


Firstly, if you are a pre-school parent, I know you wont believe a word I'm about to say, but bear with me as I'm only thinking of you. 
When you take your little Zachary or Zinnia to school for the first time you want that teacher to love your kiddie like you do and are willing to follow teachers orders like they were etched in stone. You'll bend over backwards to ensure that your Winston or Winnie are "golden" children. Don't say you wont, cos I know you!


And if your offspring are a little older and already at school (and I'm talking primary school here) there's still hope for you but you will have to instigate this regime sooner rather than later.


1. Develop a scowl. This must be worn from the moment you enter your school gates and not be removed until you hear that gate close behind you. You are aiming to be unapproachable to teachers.


2. Wear something that says "NO." I don't care if it's a badge, or a tattoo on your forehead, or even if you want to shave it into your scalp but for your own sanity please just remember that little word. Actually, I seem to remember my mother telling me something like that but I'm sure she was talking about something else, just can't remember what.


3. Never, never volunteer for something....but if you must (and I know you want to) only do it on the understanding that it's the only thing you can do that fits in with your extremely busy timetable. Let it be known that you are a BUSY woman (or man!) and that you are doing them a huge favour by attending this ONE, and only ONE excursion.


4. Keep a phone in your pocket that you can suddenly "answer" so that you can look apologetically over your shoulder at the teacher as you walk away talking to yourself.


5. Do not under any circumstances admit to being able to sew or cook or craft in any way. If your child dobs you in, change schools....quickly!


This all sounds terrible doesn't it, I mean teachers are lovely hard working people aren't they!


Yes they are, but they are also very clever (which is lucky seeing as they're teaching our kids) and they can spot a weak parent in the crowd just like a lion picks out the weakest zebra. Once you're spotted, they're in for the kill! I also think they sell lists to other schools, so if you do have to change schools (see number 5 above) consider changing your name also.


No-one ever gave me this advice and in the last few weeks I've had to make half a class load of gingerbread houses..... I'd never made gingerbread before, so it's not like I knew what I was doing, I was just the weakest parent there......she must have spotted my gammey leg......broke my food processor.....had to pick pieces of plastic from the mix....spent a whole day doing batch after batch of the horrid stuff.....none of it's even for my kid's group!
Then I got dobbed in for making the nativity costumes.....I make quilts, not costumes! That's three wise men, three shepherds, three Roman soldiers, not to mention ma and pa in the stable, oh....and three angels!
The last few days I've been imersed in cheerleader skirts. Of course I can run up thirteen skirts (with two red ribbon stripes) in two shakes of a possums tail! 


No problem! 


Need a mug, see me.

Swapalicious!

Today was the big hand over. 
Rachal and I both dumped ourselves on Kelli's doorstep, demanded coke, cake and sweet tea and then proceeded to rifle through her bits and pieces......sounds naughty, doesn't it!
For entertainment she laid on a handsome half naked male, or as we knowledgeable women call it, a pre-schooler that can't pull his pants up yet. 
The music was catchy too and I noticed that we were all humming the tune to Wallace and Grommit as we left. 
I found myself with a totally captivated audience, in fact every word I uttered was met with adoration........from her new dog!
Both Rachal and I bullied Kelli until she gave in and attempted to teach us both how to crochet. I, of course, was a model student but Rachal on the other hand had the bad manners to be left handed so Kelli had to turn herself inside out and back to front in a vain attempt to educate the cack handed one. This is my magnificent start....See the sharp corners.......see the colour change........see and admire the tribble stitch I learnt.

What! It's a bit wonky! It's a "triple" stitch?! Blimey....you're so picky!


But you're not here to find out what we talked about (btw...we talked about you, wouldn't you like to know what was said now.) You want to see the swap don't you!
Well, my end was to quilt a quilt for Kelli's mum, here it is.....

It was a dream to quilt as it was all squared up nicely, no rippling borders.

But I've saved the best for last. This is what Kelli did for me......

Yes, she spray painted my sewing machine cover! Isn't it brilliant! I do have a habit of over doing the exclamation mark but blooming heck, it's absolutely fantabulous!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, even the back got a girlie girl!

Go on, admit it, you're totally jealous. I know you are cos even my hubby is! He wants me to convince Kelli to paint his computer cover now. I feel another deal in the making!

Life, fabric and teasing.

Three things that I never thought I'd be doing at my age.


1.  Discussing the colour of my daughters snot.....don't ask!
2.  Doing physiotherapy on a guinea pig.......both pig and I feel like idiots, but we persevere.
3.  Buying zit cream for a case of teenage spots......for me! Thank heaven for fringes, that's all I can say.


Ah well, such is life.


But.....
I've had a few great days. Spotlight invited me over for a "chat" and fed me chocolate eclairs, cups of tea and then gave me a voucher for $50....all just for giving them my opinion of their store. I wouldn't mind a few more little "chats" like that.
Then, my fabrics all arrived, such bliss. The voiles are almost too good to cut up, I will have to be very brave to take the scissors to them.

I did deviate a teeny bit while buying the voiles, couldn't resist these too.....

Tomorrow's the big day! I'm off to Kelli's place to eat cake and hand over our swaps, don't think I'll sleep tonight I'm that excited! She's posted a tease on her blog if you want to go and peek, but I warn you she really does TEASE!

Swaps

I'm doing a swap with Kelli. Not the usual sort....more a skills swap. 

I think I'm getting the better end of the deal though.....can't wait to show you...I'm really excited! I know when you see what I'm getting, you'll all want one.....but I got in first!

Here's a snippet of my end of the deal....

I have been very, very bad!

Really and truthfully I am trying to be good! I lay the blame for today's slide down the slippery slope to bankruptcy fairly and squarely on Andi's shoulders.

I told you she came round the other day and brought with her a fabric gift for me........well, it was a large piece of Anna Maria's Little Folk voile....yes, voile! 

I didn't have any voile in my collection (hoard,) not a skerrick, so this one, single, solitary piece looked sadly at me from the table and spoke of others like it in other designs and colours. 

Yes, at this point I will stop and inform you that I am bilingual....I am fluent in fabric-speak.

So anyway,  I spent half a day searching the net for more voile till I hit upon Hawthorne Threads, who not only have a fabulous on-line shop but also have loads and loads of beautiful voile......and they get cheaper and cheaper the more you buy! I was like a pig in mud......a bit of this, some of that.......and suddenly I found I'd bought over twenty yards of fabric. 

I really was trying to be good, sigh, I can only hope that eventually they'll mate and I can become the world's first voile breeder.

Pride and tearfulness.

I know this is supposed to be a craft blog, but I'll just spend a minute telling you about my eldest daughter.

She is an amazing woman and I love her. This weekend we took the car for a bit of a drive (nearly 600 km's each way) and went to watch her doing her passing out parade in Wagga Wagga (so good they named it twice!)

Yes, I did tear up a bit...... I am a mum after all! But I really enjoyed the day, even though it was absolutely freezing, and my sense of overwhelming pride, not only for her but for  all the recruits remains with me.

I also got to give her the cushion which she liked (phew), now I've really got to finish that quilt!

Here she is with her little sister.

A bit of gossip.

I think someone must have dobbed me in, because I can't believe with all the fantastic blogs out there in blogland my silly stuff caught the eye of Craft Gossip. 

I will confess to whooping a bit when I saw they'd linked to me.....but like the sensible person that I am I wont be letting it go to my head, though I am thinking of having some letterheads printed and maybe a few thousand business cards....I wonder if I can get my drivers license changed to "Clair, as featured in Craft Gossip", then there's the school, they always want to keep up with any changes in your status, perhaps my will needs looking at too............

No, it's definitely not gone to my head!

Seduced to the dark side!

I have been seduced to the dark side. Kelli came round today and brought a humungous box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts to share, I'd never had one before.....yes, I was a Krispy Kreme virgin.....but now my life has changed! 

It's not like I'd never heard of them before now, to tell the truth I just didn't have much interest in them.....a doughnut's a doughnut. But I was wrong and I'm not afraid to stand tall and admit it.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts are the BEST! 

But where does that leave me now? I've no idea where I can buy the things locally, does this mean I've got to program the navigation system in my car to find a supplier? I think I'm having withdrawal symptoms already....Kelli, what have you done to me!

Just a teaser.

I'm going to see my eldest daughter this weekend. There's no way I can have that huge quilt finished by then so I'm giving her a teaser.....it was a block left over.....just sitting there.....looking at me. 

So I gave it life and turned it into a large cushion.

Hobnobbing

I've been hobnobbing with a famous person. I can tell you're impressed! Andi of Patch Andi came round for a play date yesterday. Actually it was slightly amazing that she found her way to my place as she was using my directions and I have a habit of confusing my Lefts and Rights.....perhaps I should have warned her about that before she set out on the mamoth journey. 

Still, she got to meet some of my neighbours who kindly redirected her and then we got to play.

I must say, I am impressed when visitors come bearing gifts and she was seriously impressive! She not only brought round lunch, and cakes but also fabric.....she's my kind of girl!

As I watched her master my monster quilting machine I was blown away with how quickly she got into the rythm of it. Her feathers are awesome! I did feel a bit like a "grown up" at times as I told her to "stand up straight" but you and I both know that posture is all important!

My only other claim to fame is walking smack into Dawn French's boobs in Sydney............ don't laugh! It made a lasting impression on me.

I'll keep this brief.

When do you know you've spent too much time sewing?

Is it when your back hurts from bending over that sewing machine? No, that's what pain killers are for.

Is it when you're hungry? No, that's what chocolate's for, a fast acting energy food.

Is it when your child moans she's bored? No, that's when you let her friends come over and trash your place.

"Well, when is it?" I hear you ask.

It's when you go to your undies draw and the only pair of knickers left are so old and saggy and holey that you ponder the merits of going commando.

That's when you know it's time to do the washing!

Finished the last block!

I finished the last block today.

I laid them out on the floor for arrangement, fussed around for a bit then went into paroxysms of fear....how the hell do I quilt this!

It's too big to get a complete photo of.........I no longer know what compelled me to make this.

Controlled sympathy

I have a "sickie" at home today. Cough, cough....."Muu...uum", that's what I've heard all day. It's not that I'm unsympathetic, I gave her the day off of school, and made her lots of hot chocolate. 

I have been, sporadically, a "good" mum, so I know what I'm supposed to do.....except, I have a sneaky suspicion that if I make "home" too warm and cosy a place I'll never get her to go back to school. With that in mind (nothing to do with me being a completely selfish pig) I have left her to her Lego and I've had a good old sit and sew.

I'm nearly at "Whoo-Hoo" stage, just knocked out blocks 21 and 22 today. It's getting so close to being finished, well....the top at least, that I'm getting excited!